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Communicating with Your Ex-Spouse

Even after a divorce, especially one that is highly contentious, communicating with your ex-spouse can be extremely difficult.  There are deep emotional issues involved.  Poor communication may have been one of the core reasons for the divorce in the first place.  Unfortunately, how you communicate with your ex can have a lasting impact on your child.

There are apps and other methods parents can use to keep up to date on issues related to school, extracurriculars, doctors and many other issues.  Technology can be that bridge to help in effectively communicating with your ex-spouse, when it’s seemingly impossible to do so in person.

In this video, I describe a child’s memory of post-divorce holiday visitation.  It doesn’t paint the brightest of pictures.

The fact remains, even after a divorce, that both of you have to figure out a way to communicate, at least about the important subjects.  When tempers are still hot and emotional wounds still raw, it can be almost impossible.  This can get better with time, but it’ll take practice and a willingness to focus on what’s ultimately best for your child.  Even if your ex tries to make a snarky comment, or shows up with the new partner, don’t let it rattle you.  You have the power to rise above it.  If it’s a situation when your child is present, take a deep breath and realize you can decide whether your child sees the strong and confident you, or another version.

Let me take this opportunity to again stress that mediation is another way to handle the divorce, while minimizing the anger and pain of a protracted divorce trial.  In Kentucky, it is still possible for a couple to get divorced without having to step into the courtroom.  It’s one of the best ways for a person to maintain control of the decisions, because she/he is actively involved in the terms and the final agreements.

Remember, communicating with your ex-spouse can be a difficult task, but it doesn’t have to be that way.  More importantly, your child is still watching both of you.  Set the best possible example you can whether that involves face to face or technology-based communication.  Either way, you’ll be happier you did.